Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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