i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize