She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
