i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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