Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
