You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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