My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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