dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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