he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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