Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
