It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
