so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ketchup is God's man juice
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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