this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
