K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize