Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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