Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
