I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize