Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
