so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We were destined to go to rehab together
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
