i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize