you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize