dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
