you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
