There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
