I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
