There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
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He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
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Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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