The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
