I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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