I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
