I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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