Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
