I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
