So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
