my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
