WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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