Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
