I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
