One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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