we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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