so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
