Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
