First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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