wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together