i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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