mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.