He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.