Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....