we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.