Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.