Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
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Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.