Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
