Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i came on her dog
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
