ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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