I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
