i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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