one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
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That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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