Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize