You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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