Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize