So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
