so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
