I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So much Jack, so little girl.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
