Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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