what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
